emotions

So with mom’s bible on my right and a glass of wine on my left, I’m educating myself on the things I think I should know, things I dont know and things I’m not quite scared of but definitely intimidated by.

I’ve been through a rollercoaster of events in these last few months, varying from family illness to financial hardship to a changing home life.  When the last event popped up;  i struggled, not knowing where to turn.  So I decided to try God. 

I’ve had a pretty close relationship with God for the majority of my teenage/adult life but was not raised in church.  So I decided that maybe attending church services could help.  I have a dear friend who is actively involved in the Catholic Church, so I turned to this friend and asked if I could tag along.  The friend graciously welcomed me of course, but I was nervous.  Sunday rolled around and I cautiously, nervously and with timid excitement entered the chapel doors.

[Now I’ve been to other churches.  I had a lot of friends from fairly religious families and their parents always encouraged me to join.  So I’ve been in a variety of churches but never a Catholic]

That being said, I was nervous.  What I experienced in that room, I can’t describe;  but I liked it.  I had a surge of emotion while listening and watching.  I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I still can’t tell you why.  This was 4 weeks ago.  For the first time in my life, I walked away from that establishment feeling like I had been enriched.  That being said I returned the following Sunday and regretfully could not attend the Sunday after that.

Today however, I was up showered and ready to go.  Again the service touched me.  I was overcome with emotion that I don’t know how to deal with.  I can’t explain it. 

Now my friend and I have had many a conversation about religion as I wasn’t raised with it and my friend is clergy.  We’ve discussed Catholicism a number of times but last night I asked about communion.  I’ve never taken it but it was offered.  I didn’t feel that it was my right.  He couldn’t understand why.  Fast forward to the end of that conversation…I’m not baptized [or at least I don’t think I am].  I wasn’t raised with it so I don’t see my parents baptizing me randomly.  So after lengthy discussion, I decided it was time.  We’ve now set a date and time and I’m nervous.

I googled it today just to see what it would bring up and of course the WWW gave me pages upon pages upon pages of stuff.  Valid stuff.  Not valid stuff.  Argumentative stuff.  Yea.  You get the picture.  I read and read and branched to other parts of the Catholic faith in my reading…Roman/Orthodox/Eastern/Western… etc etc etc.  In the middle of my reading, the tears came.  And as before I dont know where and why they came. 

Maybe I’m scared.  I don’t know.
But I do know I’m ready and we’re gonna do this.

I never thought religion could stir up so much emotion in me.  I tend to be a pretty strong willed girl, not really emotionally fragile at all…but wow.

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