X Marks the Spot

So I’ve been reflecting a lot lately.  Looking at exactly where my life is and why.  The last three years have been an absolute rollercoaster.  I realize now that I’ve been searching for something that had to find me.  I think sometimes you have to be standing in just the right spot at just the right angle for things really to become clear.  Its like waiting for the bathroom mirror to unfog;  its not consistent and it takes time and to really see yourself sometimes you gotta change your angle.

Looking back, I realize the importance of each roommate I’ve had.
**My 1st was a learning experience.  We were both still fairly young and had more baggage than we knew what to do with.  We tried to drink it all away [it never worked] and we grew more from each other than I think we knew was possible.
**My 2nd I’m pretty positive was a test of strength.  Like a single mother of 4 who just got laid off, I had to make things work.  I had to pick and choose my battles based on what was important, trivial or irrelevent.  I did however gain from my 2nd roommate some nonrefundable goods.  Someone was put into my life last year and I’m almost certain thats what I’m supposed to appreciate my 2nd roommate for.  No matter what hardfeelings or shortcomings there might have been, I can never ever regret because of what I was blessed with in return.
**My 3rd roommate was also a test but I think more of endurance maybe.  Like a child testing the waters, I had to make decisions as to what I agreed with and what I didnt.  Those decisions weren’t always shared or even necessary to discuss but they changed me, they shaped me, they helped me decide where I needed to be.  My 3rd brought me to God.  In the heighth of what some may call depression, I didnt know where to turn.  I turned to the one person who has always been there for me regardless of what I asked.

I’m sure there is a lesson to learn from my 4th roommate, I’m just not there yet.  And if there isnt a lesson than my 4th is a reward for being patient and understanding and trying to control my sanity when others would have given up.

I understand that I still have time for all those things I want.  I’d like for my happiness to grow.  I love everything exactly how it is right now.  Sunday afternoons with the new family are more than one could ever want.  All Saints put people in my life that I probably could have lived without but that I never want to live without.

I also have a handful of friends in my life that I’m not sure I could ever get along without.  I might get picked on, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Its funny, over the course of the last 3 years, I’ve prayed for happiness; little did I know He was giving me what I asked for.  I see now that He has a plan and this part of my life might be part of a bigger plan but He showed me part of His treasure map.


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