So I was cleaning out my garage and I stumbled across an old notepad…on it I found some writing from about 3 years ago, when I thought I was going through a tough time in life. I was frustrated and defeated but trying so hard to overcome and continue to live like I want to. Now, 3 years later as I look back and read how I felt back then, not much has really changed. So I think I’ll share. This piece helped a really good friend of mine as she never really knows how to put things into words. Now in reading this keep in mind, this is not a current documentation of my state of mind, simply a passage that still rings true in my life and heart and is a good example of what I want and how I think.
December 17, 2006
In todays world of hypocracy, lust, crime, envy, unfaithfulness and hate whats most desired is hard to find.
We long for a love that is lasting trusting and truthful and we rarely ever find it.
But once in a blue moon, if we’re lucky, once in a lifetime we stumble on a love so true you can’t breath. One that makes the world stop spinning.
Sometimes, many times, its from a friendship that this love grows. But to risk the years tears and laughs on a chance at forever could be tragic. What worse is the regret that you didn’t try at all.
And it hurts when that long seeked and finally found love is unattainable. To sit and watch is torturous. But in order to love you must understand it. True love that is honest and pure isnt about your happiness or your pain. Its wishing the best for your loved one even if it means sacrificing yourself.
Most people I meet in life, live their lives for themselves and not for others. Their selfish endeavors are self destructive. I live my life keeping myself in mind, but in an effort to help those around me, to try to make people happy, to brighten not just their day but their lives and make sure above all that every day their with me, they know theyre loved. Not just people I date, but people I interact with on a day to day basis.
Love for me is not just a priviledge but an exhilarating chance at knowing someone on a new level.
The road to success in your love life is a long and winding one. Its filled with happiness and hurt, laughs and tears and one hell of a story to tell your grandkids. But its a road that is essential if you want to live your fullest. How can you look back on your life and be satisfied if you didn’t push your way thru your tears, fears and everything that was sent your way?
I am 23 years old and I can honestly say that this time in my life is the hardest yet. I’m ready to settle down but am living every minute til I find the right one. See I dont want divorce. I want perfection. I want to marry a man that can put up with me and love me the same way 50 years down the road as he does today. I want to look back when I am 75 and be able to say that not only did I find the kind of love I was looking for but I loved the way that I write about it.
I want to be able to say I succeeded.
When I die my grave stone shall read…
Nicole Renee Fulton
successful artist, mother, friend & wife…
and on top of it all
I will succeed even in love. Until that moment, I breath. I live, I learn and I laugh. I love every one of you. Good luck in love & life and if you need me you know where to find me.
I’ve catalogued my blogs from over the years and its interesting to go back and read and see where I’ve been and how I’ve felt. It seems the feelings are consistent and the situations…I wouldn’t change em for the world. I can’t regret because they got me where I am today.