So I started this blog entry a couple months ago, in a moment of weakness. I saved it as a draft instead of publishing it, unsure if I had written my frustrations or my feelings. I read it now and I know I was expressing some frustration but mostly a desire to Love.
[Everyone searches for it. Aside from riches, it seems to be the most desired and seemingly unattainable item on the face of the planet. I’ve had it so many times. It seems like just when I’m getting used to it, God throws me a roadblock.
I understand that His roadblocks are sometimes unclear and I’m sure He has a plan; but sometimes I’d just really like to be in the loop.
I got my new roadblock yesterday. I learned a lesson though, not quite sure if its the right one yet. And maybe its too soon to say, but it seems that every time I let someone get close to me, bad things happen. I cant really call it bad this time, but I thought I’d really found something or the potential of something. And I let him get unreasonably close to me, only to find that his skeletons weren’t merely in the closet but peeking out the door like an anxious boogieman awaiting the darkness.
Given if the situation goes as it might, it’ll be for the best. His happiness. That’s what is really important and I know that; but who is looking out for my happiness. I’d just like a permanent slice of happiness in my love life. I have happiness in almost every other part of my life…]
Over the years, I’ve learned that Love isn’t about erotic passion, uncontrollable attraction or someone to spoon with. I’m not so sure I ever thought it was any of those things, but I learn more everyday that Love is selfless. I’m a happy person because of how happy I make people. What I want more than anything in this world is for those around me not to hurt and if I can curb it just a little bit, I’ve done my part. Happiness for me is not wanting, being okay with how things are because they are built in Love. Built with emotions that want nothing more than the best regardless of your role in them.
The Church teaches us that God is Love, and she’s absolutely right. If everyone on Earth would put the kind of Love they have with God in their personal lives, we might not be so angry. If we could open our eyes to see the Love that is provided for us and there to protect us, not just in God but in our relationships, maybe just maybe we could ALL be happy.
I was wrong by the way, in the blog I started months ago.
[but it seems that every time I let someone get close to me, bad things happen]
Letting him in was one of the best things I’ve done in years.