Choices

So we all know growing up is about choices.  Choices about education, finances, family & friends.  Choices mold every moment of every breath we take.  Whether its a choice  to be frugal or splurge;  to go to work or lay out;  to get mad or walk away;  or even to take that step and call instead of being stubborn and waiting.

I’m guilty of making bad choices, we all are.  Sometime at the end of last year, I think in November, I decided I needed to pay attention to my choices.  I made some healthy changes in my life that have been unbelievably beneficial.  Those choices set the stage for a family life that I never expected.  They set the stage for a lot more happiness than I know how to handle.

Lately though, something’s been nagging at me.  I’m sleeping less, staying consumed in my thoughts more and I haven’t been able to put my finger on exactly what it is.  I think I might … I’m not sure I’m right, but I figured out tonight that I’ve been stubborn and hateful and resentful and downright irritated about a situation that I can’t really control.  Well maybe I can.

I look at my life and I dont really have those feelings [stubbornness, hate, resent, irritation] except towards one person.  I’m not sure if its fair that I feel this way.  Maybe I should have seen it coming, women never like me;  why should she have been any different?

I guess I need to be the “bigger” person, but I’m not really sure I want to.   I’m not so sure this was my fault.  I guess part of being an adult is taking responsibility for things you cant control.

But if making adult choices is about admitting fault thats not yours, I dont wanna be one.  If its solely biting the bullet and opening the lines of communication I might be able to do that.  But God help me if she tries to lay blame…

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