Pounds, Peers & Pride

Over the last 7 years,  I have been working thru a long but healthier life style change.  It all started with a headache in 2008.  A 3 month long headache.  Just when I thought it was getting better, it came back twice as strong.  Of course, I’m stubborn & refused to go to the doctor.  About the time I kinda started freaking out & was worrying that I could be dying (bc clearly that extreme thought made sense) I was offered a peppermint one night & miraculously my headache was gone.

This set off the new alarm, omg I have sugar problems. I’m going to develop diabetes & die.  So I did what any logical person would do…I consult Google.  After I filtered thru all the I have a brain tumor or a life ending disease directions that the internet sends you thru, I realized I’m hypoglycemic.  Yes, a sugar issue but not unmanageable.

Thus began my search for weight loss, bc losing weight fixes everything…yes & no.  I went a little extreme at first.  I worked out everyday, cut bread & cheese from my diet and started counting calories.  I dropped 6 sizes. 6 sizes but only 15 pounds.  I had a severe moment of frustration. 15 pounds?!

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Yes, above is a 4 year stretch.  15 pounds difference.  Now what I’ve learned…

The best & worst part of working on yourself is your own pride & disappointment and the entourage of questions & examination from those around you.

I eat pretty healthy. I’m not on a strict diet, I eat what I want when I want but in moderation or a healthy version of.  So I get questions from people starting their own journey.  I get “omg what are you eating?!”  Then I have my own frustrations of over indulging or not fitting in my jeans like I wanna.  And mostly the SCALE!  I HATE that thing but I have an addiction to knowing what I weigh.  And then there is my fiance. He seems to build muscle so easily.  It’s so easy to watch but not see.  Of course I compare myself to him when I shouldn’t.

I guess what I’m saying is we all have our own demons.  We are our own worst critics.  And sometimes our support systems are frustrating.  But at the end of the day we just gotta keep pushing.

I’m starting the next chapter in my journey & challenging myself even more.  Hopefully this summer will show some progress I’ll be proud of.

Here’d to me & all of you.  Happy summer!

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