Here we go again. I’ve experimented with vegetarianism for years. I’ve never been good at it. My recent visit to Texas made me wanna do it again. Psychologically you can break yourself of any habit or form a new habit within 14 days so logic tells me I can create a vegetarian lifestyle and never look back. Experience however tells me it’s not that simple.
I’ve been on a rollercoaster of strife trying to change the way I was raised to eat and care for my body for 7 or 8 years now. Recently I’ve taken more care of myself mentally more than ever and I’m discovering that for me, mental health is key. I have a stronger desire now more than ever to make changes that are true to who I really am.
I woke up yesterday and decided to give it another go. A close friend explained to me that the key to vegetarianism is making GOOD meatless food. She also explained some helpful tips. Kale for example needs to be massaged and kneaded to not only bring out it’s flavor but to make it a more enjoyable experience to chew. So I started there.
Homemade curry hummus wraps with kale, mushrooms and bell peppers. They were not only delicious but filling too. Even at work, I didn’t find myself in a starving mid afternoon slump.
So today, day 2, I started the day with eggs and I’m prepping lettuce tacos for tonight.
In the grand scheme of things, it’s not about the food. It’s discovering myself and continuing on my journey of happiness.
“All I can be is me, whoever that is.” -Bob Dylan
I think I’ve always been a runner at heart. I’ve always wanted to run but I never really had the motivation or reason to run. I tried to run in middle school but it hurt. I had shin splints and I gave up. If I had the knowledge back then that I had now…
There was never a coach explaining the things I could do to help the pain, to ease into the runs, to condition my body correctly. Google just wasn’t as thing. I couldn’t just research this stuff on the internet or browse for coaches.
I don’t come from a family of health nuts. I come from a family of quick fixers. I wanna lose weight but I’m not doing THAT.
So now as an adult in my 30s I struggle. So yes I signed up for a half marathon. Why did I do it? Because I want to run, I really want to run but that crazy 1 track mind dedication is just not stamped in my brain. But if I pay for something by God I will get my money’s worth.
So as the end of week 1 training is just around the corner, I experienced for the first time running from the heart. My legs hurt, my chest burned, I was thirsty, I was tired….then I saw my car. I knew I was almost done. So I ran & ran hard, it was a moment in my head where the last hour paid off & no matter what my body felt like, it did all 4.5mi, without even thinking of giving in. And then there was the happiness as every time I run, I slowly shed time off my miles. And I didn’t feel full of anxiety like normal. Nothing in the world mattered at that moment.
I am a runner & I can do this.
And it begins. I officially spent $70 to run 13.1 miles with a bunch of other nutcases.
I need to do it & want to do it but knew if I didn’t register now I’d never do it. Better yet now that I’ve spent over a hundred dollars, bc I had to have the marathon jacket, on this 13.1 miles running is top priority. It’s actually up there with eating bc we all know I eat ALL the time!
What I’m waiting for now is my muscles to stop screaming at me. Where is the balance between serving & running? Is it between I’m overweight & too old? Or maybe it’s up there with why I would torture myself & I got a screw loose?
I started yesterday with walk/run combos. 2.5mi & then I split a 13 table section on a surprisingly busy Monday night. I woke up sore…but had already agreed to a “running” date this morning. So we walked & we ran & we did 5 miles. Then we took the little one to the wave pool tonight where I walked up many stairs to enjoy sliding down the water slides multiple times.
Now I’m sitting on the couch nodding off at 9:30 & I can feel the sore muscles in my ass. It’s gonna get better. It has to. Lol.
So being an adult is a subject I struggle with & have recently visited in my writing but I had a moment tonight where I classified myself as a semi-adult.
Short back story…We’re on vacation. By vacation I mean we planned a week around visiting our parents & having fun in our hometown. We stay at our respective parents homes…he at his & I at mine. So essentially we are vacationing separately but not…
Anyway so my mom lives in a one bedroom apartment. So in my semi-adulthood style vacation I’m sleeping on her couch. I actually love it. It brings me back to a state of non-adulthood that’s quite blissful.
It is however 2:35 in the morning & I’m awake because I’m a night owl. So I’m crafting & binge watching Criminal Minds without worrying about my house or my job and then I have to pee. As I creep quietly into my mom’s pitch black bedroom so I can enter the bathroom & quietly close the door before turning on the light, she rustles & I freeze like a burglar or something. At this moment I feel like a complete creeper. I’m sneaking around someone else’s house in the dark, going thru a fridge that’s not mine & ultimately (if I was anyone else) being freaking weird.
I could say this was an eye opening moment but she loves me being here as much as I love it. It does however reconfirm the thought that being an adult is a state of mind. I’m essentially an overgrown teenage who has to pay my own bills.
At the end of the day, I absolutely accept the “semi-adult” title. But that feeling of creepy when I’m sneaking around someone else’s house in the dark…I could do without that. Who really wants to stay in a hotel tho?!
Day 1. Wow, I’m outta shape.
So I’ve owned a copy of Beachbody Insanity for years. I’ve tired & frustrated. I’m in decent shape. I can run 2 to 3 miles no problem. I’m a size 8. But at the end of the day I have fat in areas I don’t like.
Now if you read my blog, you prolly think I’m crazy. I wanna do a triathlon. I wanna run a marathon. I’m currently doing a couch to 10k program as well. People who know a little something about fitness would prolly say I have my hands in too many baskets.
Here’s the deal, I get bored. I live on a main road so I have to drive to the gym or to the park to run. I don’t have a workout buddy who’s willing to get out of their comfort zone. I’m trying to find a happy medium of different workouts plus I’m a full time server & housewife. Lol. Maybe I’m a little crazy.
Over the last 7 years, I have been working thru a long but healthier life style change. It all started with a headache in 2008. A 3 month long headache. Just when I thought it was getting better, it came back twice as strong. Of course, I’m stubborn & refused to go to the doctor. About the time I kinda started freaking out & was worrying that I could be dying (bc clearly that extreme thought made sense) I was offered a peppermint one night & miraculously my headache was gone.
This set off the new alarm, omg I have sugar problems. I’m going to develop diabetes & die. So I did what any logical person would do…I consult Google. After I filtered thru all the I have a brain tumor or a life ending disease directions that the internet sends you thru, I realized I’m hypoglycemic. Yes, a sugar issue but not unmanageable.
Thus began my search for weight loss, bc losing weight fixes everything…yes & no. I went a little extreme at first. I worked out everyday, cut bread & cheese from my diet and started counting calories. I dropped 6 sizes. 6 sizes but only 15 pounds. I had a severe moment of frustration. 15 pounds?!
Yes, above is a 4 year stretch. 15 pounds difference. Now what I’ve learned…
The best & worst part of working on yourself is your own pride & disappointment and the entourage of questions & examination from those around you.
I eat pretty healthy. I’m not on a strict diet, I eat what I want when I want but in moderation or a healthy version of. So I get questions from people starting their own journey. I get “omg what are you eating?!” Then I have my own frustrations of over indulging or not fitting in my jeans like I wanna. And mostly the SCALE! I HATE that thing but I have an addiction to knowing what I weigh. And then there is my fiance. He seems to build muscle so easily. It’s so easy to watch but not see. Of course I compare myself to him when I shouldn’t.
I guess what I’m saying is we all have our own demons. We are our own worst critics. And sometimes our support systems are frustrating. But at the end of the day we just gotta keep pushing.
I’m starting the next chapter in my journey & challenging myself even more. Hopefully this summer will show some progress I’ll be proud of.
Here’d to me & all of you. Happy summer!
I believe in kindness, people, kindness in people. I believe that good always wins eventually. I believe in friendship; in the kind of friendship that trumps blood relations. I believe in Love, crazy happy with everything, give you goosebumps, forever Love.
I believe in Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy. I believe that these guys make our childhood happy. I believe that Santa & the Easter bunny should never stop visiting. I believe that believing in the impossible opens us up to the possible.
I believe that our wanderlust & our desire for the improbable makes us push to achieve the impossible.
I saw Santa today, in Chili’s. The child deep inside of me got all giggly and I just wanted to hug him. And I did & he was wonderful & sweet & treated me just like I’d expect him to treat my children.
My co-workers looked at me like I was nuts, but if we can’t get excited about Santa what will be excited about. I certainly don’t get excited over bills or the money I make to pay them. None of that matters in the end.
I believe that happiness & kindness & being excited is contagious. If we are gonna leave the world a better place, the time to spread the happiness is now.
So go out & believe. Believe that you can change the world. Santa changed my world today.
Found this lovely gem on my timehop today. I think it’s funny. 3 months ago, I knew nothing. Today I’m about a week away from finishing my first blanket.
I never realized how oddly relaxing crochet could be. Not to mention it satisfies my a.d.d. I have this need to do other things while watching tv, so I used to never actually relax. I would do laundry & exercise or reorganize random crap while I should’ve been taking a couple hours of downtime & enjoy some tv.
Crochet let’s my mind & hand focus on a project while never getting off the couch. It’s fantastic!
Blanket pictures coming soon!
Being a seasoned adult is arguably the best & worst thing ever.
I do not consider myself an adult. I like to stay up late, sleep in. I hate laundry & doing the dishes. I despise paying bills & would much rather go play. Play in the woods, the water, a bouncy castle…almost anything.
In reality, we have a joint checking account, full time jobs, health insurance, car insurance, a car payment…all we need now is a mortgage…
But being an adult is more than that. To me its the experience that truly gives you that title. I can honestly say that I’ve done enough of everything that I can confidently advise people in way too many areas of their lives.
But when in the wee hours of the morning you can say with confidence that growing up is one of the best things that has ever happened, you know you’re there.
Hats are currently my arch enemy. In fact, I took a break from them when I finally got one wearable hat that I LOVE !
Yup that is the monstrosity that started my obsession. Well I probably had a crochet beanie obsession before that. But that thing is square & awkward & was very time consuming & frustrating!
Yes, I spent about a week on hats & by the time I was happy with one, winter decided to start going away. But that’s ok, by next winter I will master hats…I’m determined.
Until then, I’ll prolly wear this one a lot!
Ps. Yes this was post was useless. I’m sorry & your welcome for the random crap that I write about sometimes!